Using My Intuition Was The Hardest (And BEST) Thing To Happen To My Love Life

Writer Cheryl Grant had always thought she was listening to her intuition—but it was really fear and anxiety. By tuning in and calming down, she was able to get past the noise and find the one. Here, she shares how she used intuition to find love—and how you can too. 

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I have been dating for what seems like forever, and haven’t been able to find the proverbial one. A common thread among the contestants in the ever exhausting merry go round was that they all were “in the process” of finding themselves. Well that … and the fact I just felt something was missing. Unfortunately. I always ignored that feeling. I would have that nagging sensation in the pit of my stomach, but I would ignore it. After all, I liked the guy across from me. He made me laugh. There was nothing “wrong.”

Here’s the thing: In every other aspect of my life, I rely on my intuition. I often know what someone will say before they do and can feel other’s people’s energy. But when it came to romance, I just figured it was butterflies, a mixture of anxiety and excitement that would pass once I got to know the man in question.

But here’s what I wish I had realized: Anxiety and intuition may present themselves similarly, but the way they speak to you soul is far different. “There’s a distinct difference between the two, says Pedram Shojai, author of The Urban Monk.  “Intuition provides an answer while anxiety just comes with noise and no answers.” I decided to follow Shojai’s advice in my own love life. I had a few missteps, but the more I turned off the anxiety and tuned into my intuition, the more clarity I felt—until it led me to the one. 
 
1. Little Moves Can Mean a Lot 
When I met Bruce* I thought he was funny and smart. He had the typical stats that I found appealing: He was six feet all with dark hair and an air of mystery. Yet even with all that I wasn’t so sure about dating him. It took six weeks of him asking me out for me to finally say yes. During that time whenever I would see him out and about, I would hide in the hopes that he wouldn’t see me. You would think that was a hint. But I eventually acquiesced and went out with him. Well that led to a relationship, which led to endless hours of fighting about finances. He didn’t understand that paying rent was more important than buying a new car or fancy watch. When it finally ended I was exhausted and in debt.
Lesson Learned: If you are running in the other direction of someone don’t try to figure out why, just keep moving. Your intuition is trying to save you! Btw that “air of mystery” I was feeling was my intuition telling me not to trust him.

2. Stop Talking Yourself Into Something You’re Just Not Feeling 
You would think that after going through that I would have learned. Well sadly I didn’t and bachelor two wasn’t much better. He lived at home when I met him—he was 33 years old! I ignored the revulsion I felt about that and dated him anyway. Sadly once again I ignored my inner voice which told me that he was a player. I ignored that voice that said there was another woman. I just always had a feeling that he was up to something. It always felt that whenever we hung out he was on a timer. It was as if he was never settled. The thing about ignoring what you know to be true is that the messages become harder and harder to ignore. Well one day in the middle of an argument, he decided to storm off in his typical melodramatic fashion. He left his cell phone next me. It rang. Even though I am not someone who will answer another person’s phone I did that day. It was a private number and when I said hello it was the voice of woman. She calmly explained to me that she was his girlfriend. Needless to say when I confronted him with this info he became defensive. Called her crazy. Called me rude for answering his phone. Most interestingly he never really said that she wasn’t his gitlfriend. I also found out later that there were many others in his stable of women.
Lesson Learned: Trust what you feel. I could have saved myself so much time and energy.  A boyfriend can be replaced. Time cannot be. 

3. Stuck? Find Peace With Yourself First. 
While dissecting myself from that catastrophic situation, I decided that instead of sitting back and sulking I would follow an urge. There was something in me that felt it was time to buy a house. I know that is a pretty big undertaking for a single woman. It wasn’t something that I thought through but I just knew it was time. Although there were people around me cautioning me against it I could not be swayed. I knew that it was going to be a huge and expensive responsibility. But my heart kept telling me that I would be able to figure it out. I didn’t feel afraid. In the process of looking my realtor took me to see15 houses.
Lesson Learned: Pay attention when something feels right, even if the experience has nothing to do with love. When I walked into the house that I am currently living in I felt at peace. I knew that I was right where I belonged. There was no confusion. There was no second-guessing. So I made an offer. The family accepted and though it was an arduous fiv -month process to get to the closing it was worth it. The family had owned since it was built in 1927. They said that though it was difficult to get to the closing date, they said that they knew I was the right person and that I belonged in the house. I still love that house and feel at peace there. 

4. Take a Break! 
Even though I had my house (if you build it he will come), dating still wasn’t going as planned. I decided to take a step back. I knew that I had so ignored my gut in all my relationships I wanted to give myself a chance to heal and find my tuition again. I wanted to be quiet so that I could hear my inner voice. I had convinced myself that my intuition had probably been deactivated due to lack of use. I felt I needed a reset so I decided to try meditation. I started doing guided meditation and it was transformative. “Meditation is an incredible way to silence the mind so that we can distinguish the difference between intuition and noise,” says Shojai.
Lesson Learned: When you take a step back, you give your intuition room to step up. My inner voice became louder and more talkative than ever.

5. Ignore The “Shoulds” 
I jumped in and signed on to an online dating service. When I initially saw him he didn’t look like the people I had dated in the past, but when I met him it was as if I had always known him. The feelings I felt weren’t crazy confused butterflies but joy and peace. For years I had mistaken that feeling of anxiety for excitement. What I learned is anxiety is really fear. Fear cannot exist when there is love. What I needed all along was peace. He says that we have an intangible connection and I agree. There is something there. Not sure what it is.
Lesson Learned: Trust. Breathe. Take one step at a time. Let the noise subside so you can listen to your truth. My intuition tells me the best is yet to come.—by Cheryl Grant 

Want 2018 to be the best year ever? Start prepping now with your 2018 horoscope!

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