Conscious Touch Is the New Sex

You know how there are times in your life when you’re just not getting any action? Maybe you’re single and completely over dating apps. Or maybe you’re attached, but you and your partner have opposite schedules, or are in an LDR, or just don’t feel in sync. It happens! And when it does, you’re dying for affection. Did you know that without consistent loving touch humans will wilt away like a dying flower? It’s actually proven. And it’s not like you’re looking for something exclusively in between the sheets. You just want someone to put their hands on you. So what do you do? It depends!

The local massage spot can be a good go-to. 75 minutes for $60 can be a steal to have someone pet you with baby oil and twist you into feel-so-good positions. Cuddles from your pup can work. So can an adjustment from your yoga teacher. But there’s another way to get the cuddles you crave. I’m talking about partnering up for free, zero-calorie, non-sexual hugging, stroking, and massage—sometimes called “conscious touch.” Which includes, by the way, FREE HITS OF DOPAMINE and OXYTOCIN!

A few weeks ago I found myself spooned by two very handsome 24-year-old men at a cuddle party—aka a party designed to get your oxytocin on. With one sweet cutie on each side of me, it was the most delicious sandwich I’d had in awhile. I’ll admit, for the first few seconds, my brain was like, Wait. Is this for real? But I kicked that thought out of my mind like the rogue rebel it was and stuck with, Hell yeah! This feels amazing!

Me, getting cuddly on the set of my show, “Be Here Nowish.”

It wasn’t sexual. It wasn’t weird. It was totally socially acceptable in the party environment, and it was deeply nourishing to me. The next day I was GLOWING. I felt like a radiant Goddess who had been worshipped ALL night. My body felt soft and supple. I noticed men noticing me. Interesting.

Here’s the thing: I’m a 33-year-old Sex Goddess who wants a partner. The burdens of one-night-stands—STI and pregnancy fears, the anxiety of the “what happens next” question, and the lack of emotional nourishment—can be intense. But casual cuddling? That’s something I can get down with. Because, let’s face it, I’m not going to take up knitting and await The One in some glass tower. I want to be on the streets, having fun, glowing-up, and beaming my light out to the world!

So how do you get loving touch, nourishing cuddling and sexy spooning with no strings? Try these tricks!

Ask a friend. Some friends are ideal spoon partners. The key is to do what I call “creating a container.” This means clear rules and boundaries before you begin touching. I have one 26-year-old Fabio lookalike friend who has offered sex before. Nope. Too complicated. Instead, we spoon and massage with clothes on. Perfection.

Cultivate a regular cuddle partner. Yep, you can put this on Tinder. It may take multiple coffee dates, some initial awkwardness, and doing your due diligence as far as safety checks, including checking out their friends, but yes, it is possible to find one online—check out this website devoted exclusively to cuddle connections!

Cuddle party it up. They exist, and trust, they are amazing. Yes, they may also feel weird at first, but be honest, so did your first yoga sesh.

Put it on the cal. Have a partner? Schedule some cuddle and spooning time during the day—not just as an after sex afterthought. It’ll enhance your sex life and create a deeper bond within you. Win!

Do you have hot spooning and cuddle stories to share? I want to hear! Hit me up on Instagram for more spooning chat!




Top photo by Alexandra Roxo.