Is Zodiac Sign Compatibility BS or Essential?

Admit it: You’re one of those people whose favorite first date question is, “What’s your sign?” And who can blame you? Element compatibility—and sun sign compatibility for that matter—has to come from somewhere, right?

If I know I’m going on a date with an Aquarius man, I can look back at the six Aquarius men I’ve dated over the past two years and take a moment to pause and be real with what I can expect. It’s like anything in life—you live, you learn. But how much should you actually consider a date’s sun sign?

Do Get to Know Your Lover’s Sun Sign

Sure, the characteristics may not all add up. But I say, better safe than sorry. Getting to know your potential lover’s sign can help protect your heart. But first, you’ve gotta start by educating yourself on what signals your own sign is sending—both in terms of how you interact in friendships and romance.

For example, my friend is a Virgo sun and I am her opposite: Pisces sun. Because Virgos are detail oriented as hell and the best at getting shit done, and Pisces are not, she helped me hire a Virgo assistant who has changed my life!

Opposites Do Attract When It Comes to Elements

In general, I look to the trifecta of signs for guidance. As a Pisces sun, Gemini rising, Aquarius moon, I’ve attracted fellow water and air signs forever. And even though I’m a water sign, that makes sense because energy needs to be balanced. If you’re an emotional watery sign and you attract another, there’s a good possibility you’ll drown in a pool of tears and sad poetry together.

So in general, a good rule: an air sign with an earth. A fire with a water.

But Then There Are the Exceptions… 

For John (Libra) and Yoko (Aquarius), being in an air bubble worked! And water-on-water looks awesome for Ryan Gosling (Scorpio) and Eva Mendes (Pisces)!

That’s why you have to look at the full picture. You can’t exclusively judge sun sign to sun sign. Because, who knows? That Cancer sun sign may in fact be the earthy Taurus rising you are searching for!

Get to Know Your Sun, Moon, and Rising Signs (and Theirs!)

Personally, I don’t think it’s enough to just know your sun sign. The trio of vibes found between sun (the way you see yourself and your main sign), moon (your subconscious and emotions), and rising signs (how your personality presents to the world) can help explain what makes you you—and teach you who you’re attracting.

For instance, say you’re a Scorpio sun, but a Capricorn rising. You may have been living a very Cap life: practical, loyal, great with business. But you haven’t been letting your Scorpio out. Well, you may find you start attracting Scorpio people to help you find a way to unleash yours.

When you attract someone you can see how their signs interact with yours and what they may be bringing out in you, or teaching you. (Pro tip: Learning about your Venus sign will teach you a lot about how you love!)

Bottom line: Yes, signs matter, but just the way anything matters when you begin a relationship: Is he a dog person? Does she love the gym? Do you have the same Instagram aesthetic? They’re all clues you could be compatible, but it’s never absolute. So do your homework, but also go with your gut—and your heart.

Lead photo courtesy of Twenty20; Design by Horoscope.com