How Magic Can Help Your Dating Life
One of my favorite quotes about dating is by Henry Cloud. He once said, “Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.”
I could not find a more true and funny quote to sum up all of my thoughts on dating in the era of Tinder, social media, and Facetime. The act of dating truly is about learning about yourself as well as learning about others. Moreover, it’s about learning who you are not and who truly compliments who you truly are. This makes the process incredibly fun, painful, filled with adventure, boring yet filled with more highs and lows than the world’s fastest, tallest rollercoasters.
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The craziest part of it all is most of us don’t even realize when we are showing up in our trusty masquerade attire. Some of us have gotten so great at dressing up in programmed habits, emotions, and processes that we can’t even distinguish our masquerade attire from our true self clothing. The weird thing is when we’re busy dressing up and hiding out in our masquerade gear, we become quite attached to playing the role we think will attract the love our lives without even realizing we might miss the very love we want because they can’t see the real us.
And that’s where magic comes in! I’m not going to give you any spells for attracting love, having better sex, or getting folks not to ghost you; I’m sure Google can give you all of that.
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No, what I’m going to give you is something much more valuable. I’m going to give you some magical tips to help you get out of your own way, let your truest self shine, and trust the darn process. The truth is nobody has the answer for attracting a love that lasts a lifetime; it’s a complicated, unpredictable, messy, soul-transforming process, from beginning until happily ever after. The best we can do is truly grow in the way we love and discover ourselves, become more compassionate to others, and trust that we are on the journey best suited for our soul growth. So let’s get to it!
- New Moon Self-Loving Ritual
The new moon is all about planting seeds of intention that you wish to pull into your life. Since New Moons happen at least once a month, you can use the timing as a reminder to re-assess your goals and desires. Immediately following the New Moon, take some time to meditate and quiet your mind. Feel free to light a white (or pink) candle and burn some incense that reminds you of love while you do this. Ask yourself what you want to create in your life. Feel free to reassess what you loved or didn’t love in the past. Make a list of experiences that brought you joy that you would like to have like experiences again. Really try to connect with yourself. Journaling is a fun way to do this. You could write down a question and ask your higher self to share the answer with you, writing down anything that flows through you. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter exactly what you do under the New Moon, you can get as creative with it as you want or as strategic as you need. The point is to spend some time with you, taking a pause to learn more about yourself and what you want. It’s also the time to ask for anything you need support for dealing with. Say you’ve had a really stressful string of bad dates recently. The New Moon following this would be a great time to reassess. Are you forcing it? What went wrong? What went right? Do you need a break? What types of situations would like to see unfold? What new habits or circumstances would you like to create in the future. This is a time to be real with yourself and then tell the universe what you want going forward.
- Full Moon Cleansing Ritual
Let’s be real, sometimes you run across some folks while dating that give you icky vibes. Sometimes you go on a date with someone who does something really mean. Once, I had a guy put his head down on the table every time I started talking. I managed to take on his bad mood long after I left him and couldn’t figure out why my night wasn’t getting better. So I’m now a big believer in smudging or cleansing my space and personal energy as much as I can. You definitely don’t need to go that hard, so that’s why I’m keeping it simple for you. Similar to a New Moon, there is also Full Moon every month. Use the hours following the Full Moon to get rid of those yucky vibes by doing a Full Moon Cleansing Ritual.Start by simply smudging your home with sage, lavender, and/or mug wort. I love to walk around saying, “let all that does not belong to me leave!” Make sure you get all your windows, doors, and under any tables. This will allow any lingering energies to leave your space. Next up, I like to take a shower and scrub down with some Himalayan salt and herbs. If you have a bathtub this is probably better, but my NYC apartment doesn’t have one of those. Finally, you can spend some time meditating and/or reflecting on what you want to let go with this Full Moon cycle. If for some reason you’ve been attracting really broke guys lately and that’s not your speed, then ask the Universe to share with you where you are feeling lack and how to release that. Ask for signs into what’s standing in your way so that you can kick it to the curb. New Moon energy is all about bringing in new events, people, and opportunities into our lives. Full Moon energy is all about releasing blocks. Making a habit to do a little ritual on these two moon phases helps you kick start your self-love game like you wouldn’t believe. And if you want to super charge your moon phase game, then check out this quick read about using the moon in your love life.
- Keep Some Rose Quartz Close.
Rose Quartz is the crystal of love and healing. Some folks believe that rose quartz is about attracting love partners into your life. I find that it’s more concerned with attracting love in general into your life. It’s goal is to attract love in the face of disappointment, love after anger and love as a means to heal. I keep some right by my bed so that energy could energize me while I sleep. I find that some folks carry love quartz around with them all day because it gives them a lighter, happier feeling. You could even try a rose quartz gem water or simply meditating with it. Whichever way you choose to invite the energy in, just invite it in!
- Candle Magic for Love.
One of my most favorite tools in my magical arsenal is candle magic! I just love, love, love candles. I feel like candles just add an extra boost to whatever I am working on manifesting. You can burn a pink candle on a Friday (the day of Venus) or on a New Moon to signify that you are ready to attract a loving and healthy relationship into your life. I like to couple this candle activity with the next few tips.
- Vision Boarding for Manifesting Love.
When it comes to manifesting a big change or something completely new in life, actually creating a visual representation of it helps. This way you can easily see what you want every single day, keeping you focused on it, and it ensures all your actions and thoughts are in keeping with this long term vision. Making a vision board is simple: You can put words, photos, souvenirs, trinkets, anything you want on a piece of cardboard paper, and that’s a vision board. You can even draw, color, or write in magic marker all over a piece of regular paper if you want. It’s all about keeping that reminder in a place where you can see it all the time.
- Dream Relationship List.
Creating a list of what your dream relationship looks like is an amazing way to keep you focused and optimistic while dating. No, I’m not talking about a list of how hot, rich and well-educated your potential partner will be. This is a list about the type of relationship you want to have with this person. For example: How much time do you spend hanging out? How do you spend your time? Do prefer hot, new restaurants or cozy dinners at home? Do you like working out together or lazing on the couch together? Those types of questions.You can read more about the details of this list here. Either way, use this list to keep you sane. You’ll find out quickly if someone wants the same things as you if they share the things on your list. It’s all about creating a relationship that makes you happy, and not about trying to mold someone who you think you want into a relationship that makes you flourish.
Shereen Campbell is a 30-something New Yorker striving to create the life of her dreams. She’s an astrologer, ecommerce manager, and the founder of My Little Magic Shop. She loves sailing, southern Italian food, and all things magical.
Photo: @brittneyborowski via Twenty20